Ever wondered how to drive an economy sized car on top of a boulder? Well for all you peculiar drivers out there, here's your step by step detailed instruction on how to do so, as well as the probably more important, how to get you car off the boulder. Warning: Following these instructions may lead to the incapacitation of said car and can result in heavy repair fees. But with coincidental success you might be able to maneuver you car on top of a very large rock or boulder.
In undertaking this mission please be sure to bring a buddy with a sport utility vehicle, as their assistance will probably be required. Other helpful items include, but are not limited to: a shovel, a car jack, a high-lift jack, and a couple of more friends.
First things first, start off with an over confident attitude about your superb driving that you supposedly possess. Already have that? Okay let's move on. Next thing would be to drive out to a place with large rocks. Note: driving off the paved road is usually necessary when locating the fore mentioned area. I find that the desert works best, but if you don't have one within driving distance, any rural area will work just fine.
I'll wait while you complete the above instructions…….Ready?
Then let's continue.
Now once you leave the paved road it's usually best to let the SUV lead. They will go over several rocks that you will have to drive around before finding that perfect geological instrument on which to test the clearance of you car. Getting on top of the rock works really well when it's a surprise to you, the driver. Therefore the optimal experience is obtained by not paying attention to where you're driving. Ideas for distractions include: scanning for radios stations, fiddling with the temperature controls, or looking through your purse for an all too important tube of Chap Stick.
As you perform one or several of these distractions, following your SUV buddy, driving along you will just find yourself…clung, bang, crash…on top or a very large rock [insert profanity slur here.] This completes step one.
Before we move on to step two it is important to note that step one is likely to make you a bit of a spectacle. For that reason it is best to have an anecdotal story prepared about how you read this crazy article online about how to do this and it was just something that you had to try. Also make sure to take pictures, as no one will believe you.
If the first step was successful then your car should be securely teetering on a rock. This next part can be tricky. The least harmful option of getting your car off the rock is to lift the car up high enough and have someone strong move it out from underneath the car, here is where your extra friends come in handy. You can try your cars manufacture's jack, but chances are that won't raise your car high enough. A high-lift jack will do the trick, however be careful not rip the body off the frame. Yes, believe it or not this is possible to do.
You'll know when the perfect time to remove the rock is, as your car will look as if it is about to roll over. At this point say a prayer, make the sign of the cross and send you're most courageous and strong friends underneath to pull out the rock. If the high-lift jack is placed correctly then the car should not smush your friends.
After the rock is removed make sure all the spectators circle around and converse about the plausible physics of the event. Remove high-lift jack-this is important if you'd like to try and drive your car away from the scene. Try starting engine. If it seems to start and the engine revs well then test drive for a short distance. If all seems well then you should be fine to drive home. If not, then a mechanic will be required. You didn't really expect me to have the answer? I don't know anything about the mechanics of a car!
This completes my tutorial on one, getting your car stuck on a rock and two, getting your car off the rock. Thank you for reading.
Warning-In following this tutorial several side effects can take place including: implosion of airbags, later car trouble, and really really mad friends.